[Transcript of recent meeting in the Ministry of Interior]
Thank you, thank you please, if I can just call to order this joint meeting of the Committee to Promote the Confidence and Image of Thailand, the Steering Committee of Volunteers to Protect Justice, the Protect the Institution – Calm-Peace-Solidarity Campaign Committee, the Management Committee of the
www.ilovethailand.org website, and the Moderation Society High Command.
Thank you. I think we will start today’s meeting by singing in unison the National Anthem.
[There follows the sound of the National Anthem sung, a cappella, in a variety of keys.]
Well I don’t know about you, but that inspires me, almost to tears, with a sense of harmony and patriotism.
Now as you know, the happiness and prosperity of the nation can only be achieved by stability. If things are unstable, then the Thai people cannot be happy or prosperous. And one of the most important factors that will ensure stability is unity.
But as we all know, our country today is sadly torn apart with conflict, with disputes, with disagreements, which threaten our all-important unity. And we are here today to come together, in a true spirit of Thai, er, togetherness to see how we can put an end to these divisions, and bring everyone together as brothers and sisters …
No, we haven’t invited any politicians here today. We know that many of them are just as interested in getting every one on the same side as we are, but, er, well, they seem to have differing ideas about what side that is, so we thought …
Yes and academics pretty much for the same reason. I’m afraid that some of them have got the idea that it is their job to criticize and of course if you criticize it means you don’t agree and if you don’t agree then how can there be unity?
No, no, we have absolutely no desire at all to stop academic research or censor anyone. The acharns can write whatever they like, just as long as it helps to foster national unity. And if they really feel it necessary to be critical, well they can be critical about Cambodia or the UN or someone.
Well, I don’t want to get into an argument about that. But what I thought we could all discuss together today was how to make everyone in the country think the same way, so that we can avoid this debilitating dissension that is preventing the country from moving forward. So perhaps I could ask you. What is the best of way of doing that?
Yes, thank you, the representative of the Committee to Promote the Confidence and Image of Thailand. So your suggestion that singing the National Anthem twice a day …
Well, Volunteers to Protect Justice might think that we should prioritize a spy network to spot dissenting thought, I can understand that, but at the same time I don’t think you have to rubbish the idea of National Anthems …
Yes, billboards are also something we can consider, something like the Calm-Peace-Solidarity Campaign, but perhaps we can just take this into consideration without any comments about, er, negative comments about other groups’ ideas.
I don’t think we’re going to get very far if we start saying billboards are an out-of-date technology that couldn’t convince a moron from Mahasarakham. Yes, I think we’ve all heard about the wonderful world of the internet but …
[The background noise levels rise markedly]
Please, please, can we please not all talk at once. It’s going to be very difficult to achieve unity if we are all shouting at each other.
Please put the chairs down. There is no need for physical violence in this discussion.
Listen, can you all just stop for a moment so we can listen to the representative from ISOC on behalf of the moso programme. Please, sir.
[A different voice takes over the microphone]
To achieve unity is simple. You listen to what ISOC tells you and you do what ISOC says.
About author: Bangkokians with long memories may remember his irreverent column in The Nation in the 1980's. During his period of enforced silence since then, he was variously reported as participating in a 999-day meditation retreat in a hill-top monastery in Mae Hong Son (he gave up after 998 days), as the Special Rapporteur for Satire of the UN High Commission for Human Rights, and as understudy for the male lead in the long-running ‘Pussies -not the Musical' at the Neasden International Palladium (formerly Park Lane Empire).
