The lightning occupation of Long Island by a NATO force spearheaded by Greenland Special Forces has exposed serious flaws in US defences and called into further question the controversial interventions by President Trump on the international scene.

A NATO spokesperson said that their mission to seize and occupy Long Island had been successfully achieved with no loss of life or damage to property. Opposition has been minimal and limited to ‘a handful of the usual suspects in MAGA hats spouting misinformation from Fox News’.

The NATO move came after US forces engaged in almost simultaneous attacks on Greenland, where Trump has consistently demanded ownership, and a long list of other countries. The size and complexity of these US military operations seem to have left the home territory unguarded and vulnerable to the NATO takeover.

The countries reporting attacks by the US include Denmark, which controls foreign and military affairs for Greenland, and many other NATO members who responded to the US attacks by invoking Article 5 of the NATO charter which says that an armed attack against one NATO member shall be considered an attack against them all.

Hostilities seem to be particularly serious in Norway, where US forces were reportedly looking for the hiding place of ‘Trump’s Nobel Peace Prize’, and in Scotland around golf courses owned by Trump where resentment among the local population has seen protests personally directed against Trump, some bordering on the obscene.

US forces also attempted an invasion of Iran as a continuation of long-standing enmity between the two countries. Trump had been making threats over the Tehran regime’s reaction to widespread popular protests, supposedly in defence of the rights to freedom of expression and freedom of assembly.

Ironically, his reaction to similar protests in US cities has been to invoke the Insurrection Act of 1807 and deploy military personnel on city streets where they have been besieged by protestors blowing whistles and throwing snowballs. It is thought that this further weakened US defences and facilitated the NATO attack.

The US also attacked Venezuela, ISIL-controlled areas of Syria and Iraq, Nigeria, Yemen and Somalia. In a post on Truth Social, Trump explained the attack on Somalia as revenge for what was happening in Minneapolis where federal forces have been thwarted in their attempts to deport everyone of Somali descent, regardless of their immigration or citizenship status.

An attack on Albania was started but then quickly cancelled. A US State Department spokesperson speaking on condition of anonymity explained that this was the result of an error in communication since the target was really Armenia. ‘The President has often confused the two,’ said the spokesperson, adding that he wanted nothing further to do with ‘this idiocy’. He explained that the attack on Armenia was justified because ‘it has a confusing name.’

The concerted US attacks provoked global outrage and US embassies and businesses around the world have been stormed by angry crowds. Pleas by local diplomats for extra protection seem to have gone unheeded as all US troops are engaged elsewhere.

Meanwhile, the US has received offers of support from Israel, who claimed that since the population of the New York borough of Brooklyn included large numbers of Jews, the NATO occupation was ‘blatantly antisemitic’. A Kremlin source also revealed that President Putin had offered to ‘drop a few missiles on the Hamptons or other populated areas’ in return for a free hand in recapturing Ukraine and the Baltic States. Putin is reported to have also offered to ‘take Greenland off Trump’s hands’ as a friendly gesture between two great leaders.

Reporters on the ground on Long Island say that after the initial shock, local residents were beginning to come to terms with their new situation. NATO officials had come prepared with a publicity campaign to explain that residents would immediately enjoy the rights and privileges of Danish citizens.

‘Free health care? Free education? What’s not to like?’ said one interviewee whose comments have gone viral on social media. Many New Yorkers from Brooklyn and Queens commented that the occupation ‘was better even than Mamdani already’. Reports suggest that residents of Manhattan, the Bronx and Staten Island were inviting NATO forces to cross the bridges and occupy their boroughs too.

While most observers focused on the momentous first foreign occupation of mainland US territory in the nation’s history, President Trump seems to have been most concerned about the possible loss of properties owned by his companies that are now under the jurisdiction of a foreign power.

NATO leaders have made it clear that they would be willing to make a deal with Trump, exchanging Long Island for Greenland, where US troops, poorly equipped for an Arctic winter, are struggling to overcome the resistance of 56,000 mostly unarmed residents. Observers believe that time is running out for Trump because the longer the inhabitants of Long Island live like Greenlanders, the less likely they will want to go back to living under Trump.