A decision by the Administrative Court that found that the Ministry of Industry acted ‘unlawfully’ has sent shivers down the backs of a number of other Ministries.

 

With the connivance of the Ministry of Agriculture, the Industry Ministry recently listed 13 commonly used herbs as ‘dangerous substances’.  This would require production, processing and trade of such common-or-garden ingredients as turmeric, lemon-grass and ginger, to comply with the same restrictions as poisons, radioactive materials, explosives and so on. 

 

When initial criticism forced the Ministry to back-pedal furiously, it was claimed the restrictions only applied when these substances were used as pesticides, and not when you put them in your food. 

 

This was not enough for the court who ruled that the Ministry was breaking the law by saying neem was more dangerous than nitro-glycerine.

 

So you’re driving a pick-up full of fresh herbs to the market for sale when you are flagged down by an eagle-eyed copper.

 

‘Hello, hello, hello, so what have we got here then?’

 

‘Just some stuff for the market.’

 

‘A likely story.  You are going to use this stuff as a pesticide to keep your crops safe in preference to lacing them with toxic chemicals provide by transnational corporations and leaving residues that endanger the health of yourself, your consumers, and the environment, aren’t you?’

 

‘No, honest, we would never do anything so irresponsibly dangerous.  This stuff is just for people to cook with and eat.’

 

‘You think I’m stupid enough to fall for that old line?  Step out of the cab, sunshine, you’re nicked.’

 

Arguments that the decision was a clever and underhand way of hobbling the competition for the agro-chemicals industry were so strenuously denied that observers found it easy to make conclusions. 

 

Of course the peddlers of poisons would have absolutely no need to spend their enormous PR funds on such an issue, especially when farmers and consumers are switching to organic in droves, when agro-chemicals are being priced out of the market by safer alternative products and when the world economy is heading into a tailspin.

 

At the same time, it was found that the Ministry had removed things like sulphur and cobalt-60 from the list of dangerous substances.  This wasn’t because Thais had suddenly developed immunity to these substances.  In the case of sulphur it was because it had become too time-consuming and costly for businesses to process the fiddly paperwork so they could import the stuff legally; so they had simply been shipping in large quantities illegally. 

 

By retroactively applying the exclusion of sulphur from the list, the Ministry of Industry would be helping private business make a profit, as opposed to being punished for breaking the law.  Which of course is what every Ministry aims for.

 

So other Ministries have been quietly initiating similar projects to that of the Ministry of Industry.  And they are now rattled that the Administrative Court ruling could force them to backtrack as well.

 

The Ministry of Education, for example, citing research evidence that homework caused headaches for students, had decided that textbooks were dangerous objects and must be withdrawn from the classroom, although it was still permitted to use them as door stops, to prop up wobbly furniture and as singularly ineffective makeshift umbrellas. 

 

The time that schoolchildren had previously spent grappling with their textbooks would now be taken up with watching non-stop TV ads by Thai companies, such as the distributors of MacDonald’s, Coca-Cola, and so on.  This would boost the Thai economy not just now, but well into the future by producing the next generation of properly trained consumers.

 

The Ministry of Transport had noted the large number of pedestrian deaths on pedestrian crossings and had decided that, rather than a programme to educate drivers, or to make crossings more visible, or for the police to enforce the law more vigorously, the answer was to ban all pedestrians from crossing the street, at all times, everywhere. 

 

Instead, a massive programme of pedestrian bridge-building would start with the goal of installing a bridge every 100 metres on all highways, roads, sois and lanes.  This would be an enormous stimulus to the construction industry.

 

Pedestrians would, however, still have to negotiate their way through moving traffic as public buses would continue to make stops in the outside lanes.

 

The Ministry of Foreign Affairs has been receiving repeated reports from its embassies and consulates around the world that Thais abroad are victims of muggings, accidents, illnesses and other unpleasant incidents.  They have concluded that foreign places are dangerous and should be off limits to all Thais.

 

This would have the foreign exchange benefit of ensuring that Thai tourists’ baht would all be spent in Thailand and not on foreign airlines, hotels and restaurants. 

 

Instead, the private sector will be encouraged to develop tourism-related theme parks.  Instead of running the risks of actually travelling to, say, Italy, Thai tourists would visit ‘Italy World’, located conveniently near Bangkok.  There they take photographs of papier mache models of the Coliseum and the Leaning Tower of Pisa, view copies of pictures in the Uffizi gallery, and be blessed by a waxwork Pope.  They could also enjoy Italian food adapted for Thai tastes, rather than run the risk of stomach upsets caused by eating the genuine article.

 

But the Administrative Court may have put an end to all this.

 

Schoolkids will have to go back to their books, pedestrians will have to cross the road, and if you want to be a tourist, you will actually have to travel somewhere.  But at what cost to the economy?

 

About author:  Bangkokians with long memories may remember his irreverent column in The Nation in the 1980's. During his period of enforced silence since then, he was variously reported as participating in a 999-day meditation retreat in a hill-top monastery in Mae Hong Son (he gave up after 998 days), as the Special Rapporteur for Satire of the UN High Commission for Human Rights, and as understudy for the male lead in the long-running ‘Pussies -not the Musical' at the Neasden International Palladium (formerly Park Lane Empire). And if you believe any of those stories, you might believe his columns.